The one where we launch TWOOTER!

It is Tuesday afternoon in the library and I am checking out the latest library gossip tweets while grooving to Yellow Magic Orchestra’s “Cosmic Surfin’”. Then I realize that I must not forget to TWOOT! today… let me explain what that wonderful new buzzword means…

A few months ago I had one of these great online conversations which result in a not-planned, but very surprising and very valuable result. I was chatting with one of my buddies in IT who is responsible for virtual collaboration and cross-business communication infrastructure – but despite the description, a great colleague and always open for improvements (without asking me to fill out a form – rare these days).

During our chat we were discussing how hard it is to notify end users of really important messages. Everybody is overloaded with e-mail, especially since every management fart is communicated that way: senior appointments of people you have never heard of and aren’t interested in, changing of corporate rules (“please use form 42a-II as of now to request an account for the office supply authorization management system”), newsletters from vice presidents and other corporate spam.

The intranet has been taken over by the communications department who have managed to split the intranet up in too many different parts to make any sense, hence you reach a larger audience with your news item by putting a post-it note on the wall of the company bathroom as opposed to putting it on the intranet.

The old fashioned way of putting up posters doesn’t work as the number of poster boards is heavily reduced (as we communicate more efficiently via e-mail, remember?) and the real estate department only allows their information to be posted on these boards. This way you would not miss gems like: “Use the Real Estate Intranet website for all your needs – now we don’t even have to speak to you anymore!” and “Help to save the environment – print less” (I always find it ironic that green initiatives are promoted by a poster campaign and a flyer on every desk).

Anyway, my buddy and I were frustrated that there was no effective way of communicating with our users. Then my buddy realized that when he upgraded the corporate communications infrastructure, a new hidden feature became available: a Twitter like service that could reach the users directly via their preferred communication channel. This could be their e-mail, their RSS reader or their mobile phone.

Ideal for our purposes! We quickly hacked together a solution and did a secret  launch – so we told our favorite users about this, but not the control freaks in the communications department or our managers. Doing that would have resulted in endless forms, approval processes, delays and pulling-out-hair-moments.

Within a few days we had hundreds of users signing up for different internal Twitter-like feeds. Every day I would post hints & tips on managing and finding information, and my buddy would have great virtual working tips. Users were then able to reply to our messages and tap into the collected wisdom of the whole audience. It was great to see many questions being answered by other users using a few simple messages.

But as always when something works well in a large organization, it is taken over by the powers that (want to) be. Before we knew it, our little valuable communication service was taken over by the corporate communications department as yet another channel to stuff corporate spam through our throats. Of course the feedback feature was turned off, as corporate communication after all is a one-way street.

My buddy and I were livid. Then we decided to fight fire with fire and we invented TWOOTER! TWOOTER! was an enhanced version of the internal Twitter like service, but with a few twists. First of all, only members of the corporate communications department were listed as the recipients. Secondly, TWOOTER! translates all messages into CAPS and with a red font type. Also, TWOOTER! messages are marked as ultra-important and need full attention, so an air raid siren sound clip is played whenever a TWOOTER! message is delivered. Lastly, TWOOTER! has no unsubscribe feature – like the messages from the corporate communications department.

If there are venture capitalists out there that are interested in the value of TWOOTER!, do contact me.

Disclaimer: even though this all may seem like a true story, it is a result of my satirical split personality, fueled with one too many cappuccino and lack of a new Wilson Phillips album. All the events, names, acronyms and characters in this story only exist in my head – unless you are also a figment of my imagination.